Another year older and a new chapter in my life. So it was my birthday couple of weeks ago (4th November to be exact) and it was a quiet one. Better than some birthdays but not as bad as other birthdays as well. After recovering from that wild weekend I had – watching the Western Sydney Wanderers beat Adelaide United 2-1 at home and then the usual party with The Gang celebrating my birthday and farewell.

To be honest, I was not really looking forward to my birthday at all and you probably remember from reading my post from a month ago. Most people will be surprised by that. Now, I’m not gonna repeat the same old stuff from my other post since I’ve already typed about it which you can read from here -> Birthday & Major Project and this post won’t be all negativity. I don’t really like to reveal my age to people as it’s personal but I can’t believe that I’m now 24…I feel so old now. Okay, everyone says that and yeah, people are gonna tell me that I’m still young I know but its true…you’re not getting any younger and that’s reality, unfortunately.

Sometimes I miss being young and yeah, I do have to admit that my life wasn’t all that bad as there were good times like hanging out with The Gang every day (aka close high school mates and lame name I know! =P) back in the old school days which surprisingly, we’re still together after all these years. It’s been like what, almost close to ten years now! Wow! I can’t believe it’s been that long! I remember like as if it was yesterday I met them.

Celebrating my 24th with close mates which I mentioned earlier, it’s always fun to party with them but it was a very eventful party this year. The story was is that  I “lost” my camera for one day and when I say that,  I mean I didn’t lose it but I dropped it accidentally and so didn’t had my camera with me. What happened was when me and my mates were on our way to pick up my best mate, my camera apparently slipped out of my pocket. After realising I didn’t have my camera with me, my mates and I tried to look for it everywhere…in my friends’ cars, my home and best mate’s home. We even backtracked our traces and went back to the shops but with no luck, we couldn’t find it at all. After not able to find my camera, I was pretty upset and there was at one point I didn’t really want to party but with the support of The Gang, they did cheer me up a bit.

Okay, continuing on with the party, we just mainly play board games like Cards Against Humanity, The Walking Dead and Robot Fighting (a red and a blue robot you control one of them and you’re in a ring and mainly try to knock your opponent if that makes sense?) which was fun. That’s pretty much we did all night, oh and of course, you have the usual birthday cake, song and speech etc. then staying up all night watching movies and TV just like the old times.

So what happened at the end with my camera? The next morning when my mates were about to leave, one of them apparently “forgot” to give me my birthday present so I was like…”hmm…okay…” and then when they gave it to me, it turned out to be my camera. Yay! They found my camera! Apparently, they said it was on the side next to the passenger front seat where I was sitting, After all that stress looking for my camera, that was such a relief to have my camera back. I guess the reason we weren’t able to find my camera is because it was too dark to see it and we didn’t use a flashlight to find it. Just want to say to The Gang, thank you guys for trying to help me look for my camera even tho it took a bit of a time and for also trying to cheer me up. Hope you guys had fun at the party! Party when I get back from my trip!

Anyway before going off topic, how was my actual birthday? Well, like I said earlier, it was a quiet one and I don’t mind quiet as I wanted to recover from the weekend but it was a bit of an up and down really. Nothing bad happened. I guess with the past memories I was having a while ago, it was playing on my mind for a bit. That’s one of the cons of having a quiet day but the up bit, I did get to spend some quality time with family which did cheer me up a bit. Went to Hog’s Breath with them for dinner and like always, celebrating my parents’ wedding anniversary every year which happens to be the same day as my birthday so it wasn’t all that bad.

One of my close mates told me that everything that I have been through, it has made me a better person and she’s right. The struggles I have been through and even the good times, I have grown more as a person and now much better than I was a couple of years ago. Even with my jaw surgery, it changed my life. Now after seeing the overwhelming support from family and close mates, I’m pretty lucky to have them in my life even tho there are times where I don’t feel like that way and of course, I’m not forgetting other people’s support as well and you all know who you are. But I’m not gonna lie, I still struggle with life and will do for the rest of my life but I just have to stay positive and strong I guess.

I was supposed to post this on my birthday but as you know, I have been very busy at the moment preparing for my trip to China. Well speaking of my trip, I’m actually in Hong Kong at the moment. I was planning to include this in the post but I didn’t have enough time so I decided to do this in a separate post. I also didn’t get the chance to say thanks to those who send me birthday comments. Much appreciated guys! You guys are awesome and thanks for the on continuing support like always.

My next post will be about my trip which I’m currently working on now. Planning to post it this arvo or tomorrow at the latest as I’m heading off to China tomorrow. Not sure if I’ll be able to blog over there because last time when I was in China, I couldn’t access my blog. Well, we just have to wait and see.

Be random but stay safe!

Well, after done writing a few posts, I’ve decided that I will take a break from my blog. Since I’m now starting to get busy as I’ll be going to China to study Mandarin next November and going to do another internship with SBS down in Canberra, I really don’t have the time to blog anymore. As you all know, I love to write as I’ve been writing for a long time now but like I said, it can be very time-consuming. I know this sounds kind of stupid but I don’t know if people actually enjoy my blog which is kinda the reason I’m taking a break.

Have you ever had something that changed your life forever or maybe you have been given a new life by somebody? I know I have. Just recently, there was a certain anniversary that went passed by and I totally forgot about it. What was the date? It was the 18th of October. Three years (2010) ago on that day, I had a life changing experience and it was my orthognathic surgery! Can you believe it?  It has been 3 long years since I had that jaw surgery and it feels like as if it was yesterday when I had it. What a ride it has been! After what I’ve been through in my life, I can’t believe that I’m still here. I’m enjoying life so much better now even tho, it’s been a wild ride for me!

Now, some people are going to ask me what is this jaw surgery I’m talking about. I’m not surprised that you don’t know since this was 3 years ago before we even meet but let me ask you something, I look normal, right? As in terms of my appearance, my talking and my eating…and you probably think I was born this way, right? Well, that’s not entirely true. Yep, you heard it…I wasn’t born like this. Before I had the surgery, I was born with a Class III Malocclusion (basically another word for an underbite) so in my case, the position of my lower jaw was in front of my upper jaw but now where it should be, it’s aligned together with the upper jaw in front on my lower jaw. I hope that doesn’t sound too confusing for you guys because I know people can get mixed up with the classes. There probably be some of you who have (or maybe had) a similar problem like me but probably not as severe as mine.

I was also pretty lucky because I had all my 4 wisdom teeth taken out at the same time so I didn’t need to do two surgeries thank goodness! I’ve been through so many surgeries in my entire life, it wasn’t fun at all! I might have to get another one to fix my vision via laser eye surgery since I’m short-sighted. Having to wear contact lens and glasses can be annoying sometimes. Like if you travel a lot like me and you’re on a long flight because the air is so dry, your contact lens can go dry too and irritates your eyes. Even having to take off your contact lens before bedtime or putting them on in the mornings can be time-consuming (Lolz yeah it’s stupid!) but then you get used to it so it’s not that bad.

Anyway, back to my original story…what problems did I had with my underbite? First, I was not able to eat properly because my upper and lower front teeth weren’t aligned together and I had to use my back teeth to chew. Foods that I couldn’t enjoy would be lamb cutlets, corn on a cob, lobster, anything on a bone really. People couldn’t understand what I was saying because apparently, I was just mumbling the whole time and sometimes I had to speak louder but sometimes I was afraid that if I talk too loud and I do have a speech problem which I’ve had since at the age of 3 which affected my self-confidence. Speaking of it, I was so so self-conscious about my appearance. If you look at me from the front view, I look normal but if you look at me from the side, you can really see the difference. Being a very shy person I was a couple of years ago, I was so scared of meeting new people and I didn’t want to go outside.

Primary and high school was even worse because of the bullying I went through. The bullies made fun of my appearance due to my underbite and I also have a congenital ptosis, a condition where one of my eyelids (my left eye) is lower than the other one. You can’t really notice it now because it’s been treated through surgeries and seeing an eye specialist but back then you could really notice it. So anyway, the guys who were attacking me, they were being racist because of me being Asian. So they were just like mocking me by saying made up Chinese words or talk with a mimic of an accent.

There were other times where I got beaten up, had my personal belongings got stolen, rumours about me were being spread around (some were true, some were aren’t), fake friends betraying me, being threatened and also the cyberbullying. It was one of the worst experiences I had to go through. I was so alone back then because I had no one to talk to and sometimes when I asked for help, some people didn’t do anything about it. There were a few points where I was so over life because I was sick of the bullying and other things that were happening at that time, I just wanted to escape from everything which I almost did. I’ve been told that I was very lucky on a few occasions that I didn’t escape from life and was saved but I got over it eventually. Sometimes I’m thankful that I’m still here but then there can be other times I wish I did escape but I’m still here so maybe that counts…I guess.

You know, this is just me but bullying is just wrong and it’s just really sad to hear that people are getting bullied now these days especially with the cyberbullying and hearing stories about people being bullied in the past. I mean, something must be going on for those guys who are bullying others. Maybe they’re getting bullied themselves or they have other problems they’re dealing with in their lives, who knows?

Unfortunately, there will always be bullying and something needs to be done. If you’re getting bullied, my advice would be to tell someone because I know from past experience, it can only get worse. Asking for help is one of the hardest things to do but it takes lots of courage to do it. The fear of the unknown and/or people judging you if you ask for help is a common fear. I was like that before but I’m glad that I made the decision to tell my school counsellor. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. I wear a ring that I bought a couple of years ago (since I’m a jewellery guy) and it has two words on it – Fear Not. Every time when I’m struggling, I try to remind myself to look at those words and it can really help you if you believe in it. Tho, it probably won’t work all the time but I believe that you can get through it and this is the reason why I’m reaching out to people.

Okay so I’m getting off track here which I didn’t mean to. I’m still not fully recovered from my surgery as I have some numbness (which it’s a bit tingly) in the lower of my chin and lower lip. From what I remember and it’s been awhile sorry but I think they had to cut the bone (I don’t if it’s was only one or two bones in my case) via entering the mouth/gum so they could move my lower jaw back in the right position with screws inserted so the jaw wouldn’t move. Because they had to cut the bone, the nerves were damaged which resulted my lower part of my face was all numb. It took about 3 months to get most of the sensation back but It’s kinda a bit scary that I don’t have it all my back even after 3 years because my doctor (the one who did the surgery) told that it will take some time to get it back. To be honest, I doubt that I’ll get it back and probably have to wait for a very long time to be healed and I still have to wear a retainer at night time so my jaw won’t move back in it’s original place. It can be annoying that I have to wear it for the rest of my life but I can understand why I have to. I don’t want to have to do treatment all over again.

Before this gets too long, about my jaw surgery, I have to say it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life and I don’t regret one bit at all because I’m loving life at the moment. If you want to hear a more detail about it, (the actual surgery and recovery) I have written two posts which can be read from here -> Life Changing Experience & Positive & Negative .

If anyone is thinking of having this jaw surgery, go for it! I know the jaw surgery can sound scary but believe me, looking back at it…it wasn’t that bad. I thought it would be scary too. Though I was surprised that I couldn’t feel any pain but that’s because my face was numb. It’s mainly more of the discomfort and the numbness that you have to deal with and it’s just the thought of it plays on your mind. It’s a long treatment but it’s worth it in the end! I almost gave up but I never did and if I had to go through it again for the good, I would but I’m kinda glad that I don’t have to. =P

What I always love to say, I am living proof (and those who have been through it) that this jaw surgery can change your life forever! I have also uploaded a couple of before and after pictures down below and if you want to view all of them, check it out on my Facebook page! (for those who are friends with me on Facebook!)

Day 1 – Pre-op if you notice, I had a major breakdown before I went in and as I hate surgeries and always get panic attacks every time.

After I got out of surgery recovering n the ICU, it was the worse days I had to go through as you’re recovering from the anesthetic. My dad took a picture of me even tho I didn’t want him to take it but I’m glad that he did. Apparently, I was really out of it.

 

Day 2 – My face was all swollen and had to use an ice pack to reduce the swelling. I also couldn’t breathe properly so they had to give me a nasal cannula to help me get some oxygen as well as the oxygen mask. I couldn’t feel any pain at all but mainly discomfort coz I couldn’t move that much.

 

Day 3 – You can notice that I had bandages and there’s where they could get the entrance in so they could do the surgery.

Day 6 – Back at home and Get Well soon gifts from my family

Day 6 – I made a sign (that was a bit cheesy!) because I wasn’t able to smile at all. It made me feel sad that I couldn’t.

Day 9 – Side view. You can notice the swelling has gone down significantly

Day 16 – Yay! I can finally smile now!

3 months & 3 days – front view. So much better now.

Same as above but it’s the side view and you can see my jaw is in the correct position

23rd June 2011 – Final results with my braces taken off! I look so much better now, people wouldn’t notice that I had the jaw surgery. Hopefully, I don’t need to wear braces again as I’ve worn them twice now.

Comparison over the 8 months

Top – 1 week & 3 days before surgery

Second row – 1 month after surgery

Third row – 7 months

Bottom – 8 months & 10 days (Final result – no braces)

Birthdays…aren’t they suppose to be a special occasion? Well, normally they are but…it doesn’t feel like that way. Feels like every year you get older and you’re not getting any younger. You haven’t reached your goals and accomplish what you wanted to do that year and then you fail. Am I a failure for that? I don’t know…I feel like I am. I always have a fear of failing and it’s one of my lame fears. Does anyone feel the same or am I the only one? Seeing other people with their successful careers and I haven’t found mine. Well, I have sorta but it feels like I’m way behind my age mostly because I’m “different” from others. I’m still young tho so I have a long way to go and I have made some progress. Just gotta stick at it.

So…I’m back on here again and it’s been awhile since I blog on here. The last time was back in December before I went on a journey to China and Hong Kong for 2 months. Before I went away, I told people I would blog about my trip, however, I was not able to do that due to the censorship in China which was a bit frustrating so I do have to apologise to all those people who were expecting a blog from me. Lesson learned, I have to manage better next time!

With that being said  how was my trip? Hmm…my trip I’d have to describe would be…one of the best times in my ENTIRE life. I had an amazing experience over there. I was so fortunate to be able to do work experience with BBC and my dad’s TV Production Company (except for the part where they didn’t organise any work for me when I arrive at my dad’s office but anyway -.-“) as you don’t get a lot of these opportunities knocking on your door. I also got to catch up with family and friends I haven’t seen in a long time which was great to see them. I even got to watch the Socceroos (Australian national football [or soccer] team) played in the Preliminary round for the 2013 EAFF East Asian Cup where they thrashed Chinese Taipei 8-nil. It was great being able to meet the players after the match and was lucky enough to get my photo taken with Archie Thompson. So anyway, I would like to keep going on about my trip but that will have to be for another day as I want to talk about something else.

As some of you may already know, I don’t really like to talk about personal stuff but since this is really significant for me, I feel like I have to. I also want to aplogise in advance if there are some things that don’t make sense or if I make any mistake in words or grammars because I’ve always have this speech problem with my English since I was young and I have sometimes trouble explaining things. ^^”

Last Saturday, (19th October 2013) I had to say goodbye to my beloved dear family dog, Charlotte. It was so heartbreaking to say goodbye as she was part of my family for thirteen years. Now, some of you may have met her or seen photos of her but for those who haven’t, Charlotte was different from all other animals really, she was smart, a great companion, very hilariously naughty and an honest dog you’ll ever meet. So I’m saying she’s a unique one. We didn’t get along too well in the beginning but that’s probably because I was a guy but that was totally okay. Tho, when we grew up together, we became closer and closer like as if we’re best buddies.

So how did my family got her? Well, from what I remember (family, please correct if I’m wrong coz I wasn’t there), in the year 1999 (or 2000?), there was a pet shop that was apparently closing down somewhere in Sydney and one of my sisters was walking passed by and saw Charlotte who happens to be the last puppy there. I think because since my sister felt bad for her since she was the last one, we bought her and ever since then, she instantly became part of the family. I think that’s how we got her but like I said, I wasn’t there. It was a big surprise when I found out that we bought Charlotte like we did with our first childhood dog, Sweety. (who sadly passed away 7 years ago – RIP!) Oh how we miss you both so much!

If you wanted to know, Charlotte was a Fox Terrier mixed with a Shih Tzu and of course, Sweety was a Maltese. Both of them had different personalities from each other. Charlotte would always like to be cheeky and be smart while Sweety was a pretty relaxed dog, just like to take it slow and easy. Whenever my family and I gives attention to Sweety, Charlotte would always get jealous of her and try to play her way to get our attention. It was like a sibling rivalry, but as a fun one and not serious. There was also this time where Sweety would eat her dinner very fast and Charlotte was looking at her like as if she never seen a dog enjoying her food too much. Speaking of enjoying food, Sweety always love to eat everything. She would always go to the pantry and try grab some food and when we came back, we see these package of noodles that was open. We thought it was Charlotte at that time but it wasn’t so when we went up to Sweety, she had crumbs all over one her face. She knew she was in trouble so she tries to acts like if she was an innocent. Those two were adorable together.

There was so many moments with Charlotte…I remember back when she was a puppy, we bought a BBQ chicken for lunch and left it on the kitchen table and when me and my family were away, somehow, she jumped up on the table and ate the WHOLE chicken. It was a massive chicken! When we came back, we had no idea she could do that and for the rest of the day, she was lying on her back because she was so full. Charlotte sometimes doesn’t act like a dog…she can be more of a cat because she hates when we give her a bath and then every time we eat meals, Charlotte thinks she’s human because she would always jump up on the chair and wait for us to give her food. One of her favourite games to play is hide and seek. She goes under the blanket and hides and you can see see half of her body and her tail wagging. Her favourite treats was always schmackos. She was really sneaky like, one of us would give her one and then she goes to another person and ask for another shmacko and so on. When we found out that we all gave her shmackos, we found out that she tricked us. So funny! There are so many moments but it would too long to write it all.

You know, I really struggle with loss and I’m sure everyone has to face it once in their lifetime whether it’s losing a loved one who passed away or if it’s a relationship that has been broken up, any kind of losses really. You can’t escape from it. I had to face a lot of losses in my lifetime but losing Charlotte has changed my life completely. It’s like when I first loss Sweety, back when I was in Year 11, that was my first real loss to death and it just hit me. It really did. I wasn’t able to cope at all the first few weeks like I stayed in my room the whole time, I was isolating from everyone, wasn’t eating and didn’t even do my school work. One of the first few people I told that my dog died was my ex-girlfriend and do you know what she said? She said you can always get another dog. That did NOT help me at all and I know she was trying to be supportive but that was very insensitive to say that. Never EVER say that to anyone who has just lost a pet because getting a new one feels like you’re replacing your beloved pet and you’re still grieving. Sorry but I had to make that point

Most of you don’t know this and few of you do but I’ve always had a dark life. I don’t mean to rant but life has never been easy for me as I’ve been through so much crap in my entire life even when I was born. Tho, I’m so much better than where I was a couple of years ago but now with losing Charlotte like I said…it feels like life will never be the same again. I miss Charlotte and even Sweety…I really do. Last night was the first time being alone for me at home without Charlotte. Because my parents are working and my sisters have moved out, Charlotte would always be my safety net and she could tell if there was anyone outside but now without her, it’s just different. Even at home, it’s so quiet now and I’m struggling to get used to it. I guess it takes time. That’s what people tell me when they said they lose a pet. I’m coping somehow. Life isn’t fair but you can’t do anything about it which sucks, other wise, there would be no such thing as reality.

Before this gets too long, I have to tell you guys that this won’t be a regular blogging like it was in the very beginning back in 2009 because I am quite busy at the moment as I’ll be going away to China next month. If you didn’t know, I’m studying Mandarin (which is still terrible!) and will live in a college in Guangzhou for three weeks. I have so much stuff to do before then and I am really under pressure to get things done. With everything going on right now, it’s so hard. It can also take a lot of to work to write one post which can be time consuming but I will definitely keep on blogging in the future. Actually, I’m working on a few posts right now which I was originally suppose couple of months ago (was going through a rough time) but will publish it eventually.Thanks so much for those who has been supporting me (as well as my family). It really means a lot to us especially me as I don’t really usually reach out mainly because my childhood wasn’t perfect.

Oh Charlotte and Sweety, it’s hard to believe that both of you girls are gone already. I wish we could see you again but I know we can’t. All those memories we had together will be cherish forever in our hearts. I know it’s not hard to be sad but that’s only because we all miss you heaps. I know that you girls had the best full lives you could have even from us, we tried to do our best. You have impacted our lives forever and we thank you for that. You girls mean the world to us and will never ever forget you. It makes our pain ease that you’re both together now as well as our other family pets. All of you guys might be looking down on us, who knows? Even though life is always a mystery…I know we’ll see you again. Forever in our hearts, we love you all.

R.I.P. Charlotte & Sweety!

Be random but stay safe guys! ^_^