Well, it has been a few months since I’ve posted here and I was actually planning to do it more regularly like with my gaming YouTube channel but it’s been such a rollercoaster for me especially with the lockdown and getting out of lockdown. With life slowly going back to normal since freedom day for us over here, it’s been such a huge adjustment for me going back to TAFE and among other things but somehow, I’m managing.

Now, about tomorrow…yep, it’s that time of year again and it is my birthday. For those who really know me well, this can be a difficult time for me. With other people’s birthdays, I’m totally fine but with mine, it’s a bit different. For someone who struggles with mental health enormously and has gone through so much in childhood, birthdays can be so hard but I also do have mixed feelings about it at the same time. I know there are a lot of people out there who don’t really understand why (which is totally okay) because birthdays are supposed to be a happy occasion and it’s your big day celebrating with family and friends.

Also, note I have already talked about this in the past so if you want to read more about it for those who haven’t seen it, you can read my two posts down below.

Goodbye Twenties and Hello Thirties

Rollercoaster Birthdays

What’s different about this year? I think it’s just with the current pandemic, it hasn’t been easy even for all of us. Life has totally changed for the whole world and still learning to deal with COVID-19, it’s hard and I think because we have never been in this situation before, it’s unique. In the last few weeks, the build-up to my birthday has been quite anxious for me. I have been trying not to think about my birthday a lot and plus I’ve been trying to avoid it as well which isn’t good either. There have been times I’ve been so teary and emotional about my birthday like what’s it going to bring. To tell you the truth, I didn’t start any planning for my birthday until this past Monday right after TAFE.

I was talking to my personal trainer today when we were training at the park and I told him about having bad experiences in the past with birthdays due to my mental illness. I hope he doesn’t mind me mentioning this on here but he said that I have come such a long way compared to where I was and I’m now in a much better place which gives me a bit of confidence and I’m lucky to have my PT as a supportive mate.

Also, I realise I didn’t even blog about my birthday last year. The two years before last year, I spend both my 29th & 30th birthday in hospital which you guys already know and I was pretty anxious actually about my last birthday because I had thoughts like am I gonna spend another birthday in hospital again. Well, thankfully, I didn’t and last year was the first year I spend my birthday outside of hospital which felt so weird.

My birthday celebration didn’t even start until mid-October when my dad and I were invited to two of my dad’s friends combined birthday dinner party and also because I made a birthday cake (my popular Mango Almond Cake) for them. When my dad mention that my birthday was coming up, they celebrated my birthday which was so unexpected and it was nice of them to do it because I’ve known them for quite a long time.

I also made new friends too and one of them was a musician too which was so awesome as I was able to do a bit of jamming with them on my ukulele and guitar and plus, they booked a private room in the restaurant, it was so much better too. The songs that we played that they grew up with The Beatles & Simon & Garfunkel and plus I played songs that I grew up with too like Disney, The Cranberries & IZ. Also, the hospitality and the service from Alex the owner, the chef and the rest of the staff were brilliant and the food was so delicious as it was a Chinese banquet.

The night before my birthday, my parents and I went out for dinner at our favourite local restaurant to celebrate my birthday and my parents’ 42nd wedding anniversary. The food we had was really authentic and it just brings back memories of when I was in Hong Kong and now that I’m thinking about it, I really missed the travelling. Since we already know the staff, they surprised us with a slice of Tiramisu birthday cake too which we were not expecting!

The actual day of my birthday, I went out for a Japanese lunch with my parents and the restaurant we went to was another favourite of ours that we always go to with my late grandma & late auntie when I was young. The chef who is also the owner is actually still working there since I was a kid believe it or not and he would always greet us. The food here is so yummy and compare to other Japanese restaurants we’ve been to, it’s the one that we always like to go to for Japanese food. Later during the day, I trained with my personal trainer at the gym which is great but boy, the training can be intense too!

To end the day, I celebrate my birthday with my Juniors/Anchors group and with the leaders (Reid & Jono!) at Boys Brigade. It was actually quite funny as Reid asked the kids if they noticed anything different on my uniform (as I was wearing my birthday badge that my family gave me years ago) which they did and they suddenly surprised me by singing Happy Birthday. I was totally not expecting them to sing but it was a great surprise. Jono also baked me a second birthday cake which was a tasty chocolate cake that looked like a Pac-Man!

Back to tomorrow, it’s going to be a big day. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but my PT said I should try to shift my focus on being positive and celebrating with family and friends which I’m gonna try to do. One thing I do know is that it will be my second time celebrating my birthday out of hospital which is a massive achievement for me as I haven’t been in hospital for close to two years now!

Also, apologies that this post was a bit rushed because I literally just wrote this at the last second as usual but thank you guys again for the support! I hope this post explains more of why birthdays can be a difficult time for me and also even for other people who are going through a similar thing out there.

Be random but stay safe guys!